Those Advice shared by A Parent Which Helped Me during my time as a Brand-New Dad

"I think I was simply trying to survive for the first year."

Former reality TV personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the difficulties of fatherhood.

However the truth rapidly proved to be "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health problems during the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was forced into acting as her primary caregiver as well as taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I handled all the nights, every nappy change… every walk. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

Following 11 months he became exhausted. That was when a talk with his own dad, on a public seat, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward statement "You aren't in a good place. You require support. In what way can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and find a way back.

His story is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. While society is now more comfortable discussing the stress on moms and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the difficulties fathers go through.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan feels his challenges are linked to a larger failure to talk between men, who often absorb damaging notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall time and again."

"It isn't a show of failure to ask for help. I failed to do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, notes men often don't want to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - most notably ahead of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental well-being is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the opportunity to ask for a respite - taking a couple of days overseas, outside of the family home, to see things clearly.

He realised he had to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's feelings as well as the practical tasks of caring for a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has transformed how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son to better grasp the vocabulary of feelings and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked consistent male a father figure. Even with having an "amazing" connection with his dad, profound trauma resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says bottling up emotions resulted in him make "terrible choices" when he was younger to modify how he felt, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as an escape from the hurt.

"You turn to behaviours that don't help," he explains. "They might temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Advice for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, tell a trusted person, your spouse or a counsellor how you're feeling. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the pursuits that helped you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. Examples include going for a run, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - nutritious food, physical activity and where possible, getting some sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is faring.
• Meet other first-time fathers - listening to their stories, the difficult parts, as well as the good ones, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that asking for help does not mean you've failed - looking after you is the optimal method you can care for your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the loss, having not spoken to him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead offer the security and nurturing he lacked.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - managing the feelings safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men since they acknowledged their issues, changed how they express themselves, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… dealing with things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I said, sometimes I feel like my role is to instruct and tell you on life, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding an equal amount as you are on this path."