🔗 Share this article Balancing the Desire for Casual Encounters While Pursuing a Committed Partnership Being a homosexual male in my late 40s, my life has involved numerous, mostly enjoyable years pursuing spontaneous encounters with other men since the age of 19. In my 30s, I had a committed partnership that lasted four years, however it never fully satisfied me, because I felt neither loved nor sexually nourished. The fact is that my constant desire has been for casual sex. Every time I begin to date a potential partner, when the initial excitement dwindles, I always get the urge to be intimate with new partners once more. Questioning the Possibility of Exclusive Commitment Currently, I'm contemplating whether it's possible for me to sustain a monogamous relationship. I understand that many homosexual males have non-monogamous arrangements, yet when I’ve witnessed them, they appear demanding, frequently causing significant heartache and envy for everyone involved. To a large extent, I desire another man to care for me while letting me remain sexually free, however I fear the emotional drain this would cause. Should I just keep having spontaneous encounters and accept that a lasting partnership is not possible? I’m feeling a bit lost. Every person’s sexual journey fluctuates. Try not to think of your relationship needs or your capacity to tolerate various forms of intimate connections as fixed. Your needs as you are experiencing them now may well change down the road; eventually you might become less ambivalent and discover greater understanding and a comfortable path … or not. One day you might meet someone offering a life-changing chance for you through mirroring what you want in a holistic fashion … and at another point you may choose that casual connections suit you best. Fretting over the future and playing the “What if?” game is simply rooted in fear and squandering of your efforts. Try to be in the moment in your relationships, and see the worth of each person with whom you might have an intimate bond. If and when the time is right to deepen true intimacy with one partner, you will know. Pamela Stephenson Connolly practices as a US-based therapy professional focusing on addressing sexual disorders.